The Wedding Charade Page 10

  ‘Dio, I want you so badly,’ Nic said against her mouth. ‘But then you are a witch at making men want you, are you not? A seductive little witch with a mouth of fire.’

  Jade ignored his comment to concentrate on the magical feeling of being so aware of her body, so in touch with its every need. Like how wonderful it felt to have his hand move under her top to cup her through the lace of her bra. The possessive press of his palm was mind-blowing; so too was the slow but sure stroke of his thumb against her engorged nipple. For all his intentions to get her into his bed, he was certainly taking his time about it, she thought as his mouth sucked on her nipple right through the lace of her bra. If anything, it intensified the sensation of his lips and tongue, making her almost mad with longing.

  She arched her head back to give him better access, her body quivering inside and out as he kissed his way back up from her breast to her mouth. His masterful tongue this time was even more determined to conquer hers. He swept every corner of her mouth, exploring her, tasting her, tempting her into a dance of desire that she suspected could only end one way. She felt the ripples of it beginning deep and low in her body, the stirring of her senses so intense she was unable to think of anything but how he made her feel.

  He tore his mouth off hers, his breathing hectic and his hazel eyes dark as they meshed with hers. ‘Not here. Not like this,’ he said, scooping her up into his arms and carrying her out of the salone towards the stairs. ‘I want you in bed with me where you belong.’

  Jade knew she should have called a halt right there and then. It was a chance to break the spell, a moment to reorient herself, to remind herself of his motives and her shameful secret. But somehow she couldn’t do it. She wanted to feel his arms around her, to feel all that it was possible to feel when you truly wanted someone and they wanted you because they felt so in tune with you physically.

  The master bedroom was a suite of massive proportions but Jade was barely aware of her surroundings once Nic placed her on the big bed and came down beside her. He kissed her again, a slow searing kiss that made the blood race all over again in her veins. He had such a beautiful mouth, so firm and yet so sensually soft, as if she was the most precious fragile person he had ever kissed. He tasted so nice too, not of stale smoke and alcohol but a taste she would forever associate with him: essential maleness in its prime.

  While his mouth continued to cast its spellbinding magic on hers, she felt his hands start to work on her clothes. She lifted her arms above her head as he peeled her top away. And then she raised her hips when he eased her out of her jeans, barely registering the soft thud of her shoes as they landed on the floor. She had been naked with a few men but she had never wanted to look at them the way she wanted to look at Nic. Her fingers set to work on his shirt and then, when that was cast aside, she worked on the waistband of his trousers, sliding down the zip, her breath stalling in her throat as she saw the way he had tented his underwear. She ran an experimental finger down the length of him through the fabric and watched as he quivered in response.

  ‘Careful, cara,’ he said in a gravelly tone. ‘I want to last long enough to pleasure you.’

  Her own pleasure had never been a priority before now. She had always pretended, giving her few past partners what she thought they had wanted. It had been easy and she had felt no guilt or remorse about it. But now she felt as if everything had changed. She wanted to give and receive pleasure because with Nic she knew it would be something completely different, something special, something to remember for the rest of her life once he moved on, as she was certain he would do.

  Jade peeled back his underwear and stroked him again, her belly tightening in anticipation. She circled him with her fingers and saw his stomach muscles clench as she began moving up and down.

  He pulled her hand away and pushed her back down on the bed. ‘Later,’ he said and reached for the nearest bedside drawer for a condom.

  She watched as he put it on, her breath hitching in her throat as she thought of him filling her. A flicker of nervousness passed through her. What if she wasn’t able to please him? That had never been an issue with anyone else. She had given them what they wanted while her mind went elsewhere. But what if Nic saw through her pretence?

  It seemed ridiculous to admit it, but this felt as if she was starting all over again. Each touch of his fingers was a new experience; it had nothing to do with her wretched, sordid past—it was as if that had happened to someone else, not her. His gentle caressing of her with his clever fingers was like an act of worship; it was not in any way exploitative or crude. He was stroking her into a whirlpool of sensation she had never experienced. She could feel her body climbing a mountain so high and spectacular it took her breath away.

  ‘You’re so beautiful and feminine I want to taste you,’ he said in a husky voice.

  No one had ever touched her quite like this, with such reverence, such tenderness and concern for her needs. She felt the movement of his lips against her and then the soft brush stroke of his tongue, once, twice, three times and then with an increase in pace. It was so raw, so intimate and so deeply erotic she felt her body gather all its energy at one point. A delicious tension began to pull at her, making her rise on a wave that felt so precipitous she wondered if she was going to crash and burn if—or when—she fell off.

  ‘Come for me, cara,’ he said in between caresses. ‘I want to watch you lose yourself totally in what I am doing to you.’

  Jade felt a bubble of emotion come up in her chest. She was unprepared for the way she was feeling, for how her body was reacting. But then, before she could examine her emotional response any further, the pinnacle of pleasure sneaked up on her, catching her totally off guard, making her spiral into a vortex of intensely pleasurable sensations that made her mind empty of everything but what she was feeling physically.

  When the waves of pleasure finally subsided she felt hot, stinging tears come to her eyes. She put a hand up to hide them, to force them back, to do anything to stop them from betraying her, but it was too late.

  Nic had already propped himself up on his arms, his frowning gaze going straight to hers. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked.

  Jade bit her lip to try and stop herself from bawling like a child. ‘Nothing—sorry about this … ‘ She swiped at her streaming eyes with the back of her hand. ‘I’m not used to being so emotional when …I mean during … sex … ‘

  He blotted another trail of tears with the pad of his thumb. ‘Do you want to tell me what’s so different about this time?’ he asked gently.

  Jade pressed her trembling lips together but she had no control over the sobs that seemed to be coming up from deep inside her. There was nothing she could do to hold the rushing, gushing emotions back. She shook her head and covered her eyes with both of her hands, a choked sob escaping as she gulped, ‘Sorry about this … I’ll be OK in a minute…just give me a minute … ‘

  Nic peeled her hands away from her face, his gaze serious and concerned as he looked into her eyes. ‘Cara, did I do something you didn’t like? Did I hurt you in some way? ‘

  She shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip, fighting to rein in her runaway emotions. ‘No, of course you didn’t hurt me—it’s just that …that I’ve never …it’s just that it’s never been like that before … ‘

  His frown made a map of lines come up on his forehead. ‘Are you saying you’ve never had an orgasm through oral sex before?’

  Jade couldn’t hold his penetrating look. She lowered her gaze to his throat, where she could see a pulse beating like a drum. She took a breath that felt rough around the edges and said, ‘I’ve never had an orgasm before. Period.’

  His throat moved up and down like a piston. Seconds passed, maybe only one or two but it felt like a month of them to her. ‘I’m not sure I understand,’ he said, bringing her chin up so her gaze met his. ‘You’re not a virgin,

  sì?’

  Jade gave him a pained wry look. ‘No, Nic, I am no
t a virgin.’

  He moved his mouth a couple of times, as if searching for the right words to say. ‘So, what I think you’re saying is sex has not always been pleasurable for you, is that it?’

  She let out a heavy sigh and shook her head as she dropped back on the pillow.

  He gently brushed back some tendrils of her hair off her face, his touch so soft it made Jade feel another wave of emotion rise to the surface. ‘Do you want to tell me about it?’ he asked.

  Jade looked into his hazel eyes, so very dark and serious as they held hers. Most men would have continued on to get their measure of pleasure out of her body by now, but he had not. It surprised her, given his playboy reputation. ‘Don’t you want to finish this?’ she asked, waving her hand to encompass their bodies lying so close to each other.

  He frowned even more darkly and got off the bed, pulling off the condom and tossing it to one side. He reached for his trousers and pulled them on and zipped them. ‘I am not sure what sort of man you think I am, Jade, but there’s no way I am going to make love with you unless I know everything, and I mean everything.’

  Jade tugged at the top sheet and pulled it over herself to cover her nakedness. Shyness was not normally an issue with her, she had grown so used to disconnecting her mind from her body, but somehow with Nic it was different. She felt exposed in a way she had never felt with anyone else. Nic saw things she wasn’t sure she wanted him to see.

  ‘Why don’t you start at the beginning?’ he suggested.

  She gave him a mutinous look as she hugged her knees close to her body. ‘I don’t have to tell you anything. I wish I hadn’t told you what I did. You’re making such a big deal out of it.’

  ‘Damn it, Jade, this is a big deal,’ he said, shoving a hand through his already mussed-up hair. ‘You can’t drop a bomb like that into the bedroom and expect me to carry on as if nothing’s changed.’

  She couldn’t hold his gaze and dropped her chin to rest on the tops of her bent knees. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was too personal, too invasive. She had tried to be so strong. With any other man she would have pulled it off, but not with Nic. He was her nemesis. She had always suspected it was the case. He would totally unravel her, leaving her vulnerable and exposed.

  ‘Tell me, Jade,’ he said, his voice lowering to a gentle burr. ‘Tell me why it is that with the kind of reputation you have—which, I might add, you have not in any way discouraged or taken any action to defend yourself—you have not until this point enjoyed sex fully.’

  Jade slowly lifted her head off her knees. It seemed she was not going to get out of this after all. She knew Nic well enough to know he would stand there and wait for her to tell him, no matter how long it took. It was her fault for letting him get under her radar. She should have known he would be the one to see through her party-girl pretence. Shame coursed through her but she made herself meet his dark gaze. ‘Do you remember the night of my sixteenth birthday when I tried to seduce you?’ she asked.

  He nodded grimly. ‘It’s not something I like to think about too much. I tried to do the right thing by you. I know I was a little hard on you. I’ve often thought if I had handled it better you might not have rushed off with Riccardo.’

  Jade got off the bed, dragging the sheet with her as a drape. She wanted her clothes on but dressing in front of him was out of the question. She felt far too exposed as it was.

  ‘Here,’ Nic said, handing her his bathrobe from the back of the door to the en suite bathroom. ‘Put this on.’

  Jade slid her arms into the sleeves and tied the ends around her waist. It was far too big for her; she felt as if she were wrapped in a circus tent.

  ‘You look like Ella playing dress-ups with her mother’s clothes.’

  She gave him her version of a smile: sad and wistful. ‘I wish I could go back to her age and start again. Maybe I wouldn’t make the same mistakes.’

  His brow tightened again with a frown. ‘We all make mistakes, Jade. It’s what life is about: living and learning. We can’t grow until we realise where we went wrong.’

  She hugged her arms close to her body. ‘I should have listened to you that night,’ she said, no longer able to meet his eyes. ‘I should have taken on board everything you said. But I didn’t. Instead, I did the very opposite. I was so rebellious, so determined to show you and everyone I could do what I wanted. But I was wrong—so terribly, terribly wrong.’

  Nic felt a tremor of unease pass through his insides. This was a side to Jade he had never seen before: the vulnerable side. Gone was the tough don’t-mess-with-me-I-couldn’t-give-a-damn-anyway wild-child; in her place was a young woman who looked as if the world had let her down in a very bad way. He didn’t say anything. He kept silent to let her continue, but he felt his throat tighten as he swallowed, as if a rough hand had grasped him by the neck and squeezed until he could hardly breathe.

  She looked up at him, her forest-green eyes filled with pain. ‘Sleeping with your friend is something I have always regretted. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I wanted to get back at you for rejecting me, but instead I was the one who got hurt.’

  The hand around Nic’s neck tightened another notch. ‘Did that bastard hurt you?’ he asked.

  She tugged at her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment before answering. ‘No, at least not by intention. You were right, Nic; I was too young to be having sex. I wasn’t ready emotionally. I allowed someone I hardly knew to use my body. I was so ashamed when it was over. I cried for hours. But then, instead of learning from my mistake, I did it again. I was suddenly popular. I was the IT girl when for so long I was the one on the outside. I suppose it was a way to get attention.’

  Nic momentarily closed his eyes. He opened them to find her looking into the distance, as if she were time travelling to the past. ‘Jade … ‘ he began and took a step towards her but she held up her hand like a stop sign.

  ‘NO,’ she said. ‘Let me get this off my chest. God knows, it’s about time.’ She gave a harsh-sounding laugh that contained no humour in it at all. ‘For all these years I have pretended to live like a tart. I let the press portray me like that. I actively sought that sort of reputation by being in all the hip places, dressing provocatively, flirting, teasing, acting as if I was the most popular girl in town. I guess that’s the way I saw myself: the cheap, shallow socialite, the reckless, uncontrollable wild-child who didn’t give a damn what anyone thought about her.’

  ‘But you do care about what people think of you, don’t you, Jade?’ Nic said. ‘Your father, for instance. For all these years you’ve been acting out to get his attention, but it hasn’t worked, has it?’

  She gave him another world-weary twist of her lips. ‘He’s never quite forgiven me for not going on that holiday. If I had been with Jon he wouldn’t have gone to that particular ski run. Jon was always my father’s favourite. I knew that. Jon knew that, but he tried his best to compensate by being the best brother you could imagine. Without him, I was like a rudderless boat. I couldn’t seem to stop from hitting the rocks. It was like I was determined to self-destruct or something.’

  ‘You are not to blame for your brother’s death,’ he said. ‘There is no way you should be blamed by anyone for that, especially your father.’

  ‘I can’t turn back the clock,’ Jade said sadly. ‘I wish I could, not just with that holiday but everything really. I wish I had had more time with my mother. I think I would have fared better if she hadn’t died when she did. She would have helped me with my—’ She stopped and bit her lip again.

  ‘Helped you with your what, Jade?’ he prompted.

  She met his gaze. ‘Um…with my art work.’

  He frowned. ‘Your art work?’

  Jade felt her face grow warm. ‘Yes, I sort of dabble in watercolours. I’m not very good. I haven’t taken any lessons or anything. It’s just a hobby. Actually, I’m totally rubbish at it. I would never show anyone my stuff. It just fills in the time for me. I enjoy it, yo
u know, the creative part of it.’

  ‘I am sure you are being unnecessarily harsh on your talent.’

  ‘I have no qualifications,’ she said. ‘Not unless you count hours, if not days, wandering around galleries and art shows. I just know what I like and what I like to paint. That’s all, really. I don’t even have a proper studio.’

  He looked at her for a long moment. ‘Would you like to have a studio of your own?’

  Jade felt a frisson of creative excitement rush through her. She also felt a flutter of something deep inside her heart—a feeling of gratitude that he hadn’t laughed at her or ridiculed her painting but instead was offering his support. ‘Do you think I could use one of the rooms in your villa in Rome as a studio?’ she asked tentatively.

  ‘I’ve brought some stuff with me here but we won’t be here long enough for me to set up properly.’

  ‘Use whatever room suits you, both here and in Rome. Do you need anything? Art supplies and so on?’

  ‘No, I have everything I need,’ she said. ‘I packed it all when I left London.’

  He looked at her in silence for another moment or two. ‘You really are full of surprises, aren’t you, cara?’ he said.

  Jade felt the warm glow on her cheeks intensify and quickly lowered her eyes. ‘We all have our secrets, I suppose.’

  ‘What you see is what you get with me, I’m afraid,’ he said with a wry smile. ‘Shallow and selfish is what the press call me, isn’t it? And, let me tell you, it’s not far off the truth.’

  Jade meshed her gaze with his. ‘I don’t believe that.’