At No Man's Command Page 13

  He would move on with his life and find a suitable bride. He would find someone who wouldn’t play games. Someone he would be comfortable introducing to his friends and colleagues. Not someone who had the potential to embarrass him or destroy his reputation via an ill-timed comment to the press from one of her crazy relatives.

  Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t she be the one he chose? Why couldn’t she accept him if he did?

  Because that was the stuff of fairy tales and she wasn’t a little kid any more, hoping that someone was going to wave a magic wand over her head and make everything turn out right in the end.

  ‘I wouldn’t drink that too quickly,’ he said.

  Aiesha gave her straw a couple of twirls before she took another sip. ‘Don’t worry, James. I won’t embarrass you by suddenly jumping up and dancing on the tables.’

  His smile was exchanged for a frown. ‘Look, can you drop the armour just for tonight?’

  Aiesha crossed one leg over the other and leaned back on the velvet sofa they were sharing. ‘What armour?’

  His dark blue eyes held hers. ‘Let me see you without the brash bad-girl mask. Be the girl in the alley this afternoon. The one who loves dogs. The one who let me hold her as she told me stuff she’s told no one before.’

  She pursed her lips and reached for her drink, taking a generous sip that sent her blood-alcohol level soaring. Or maybe it wasn’t the alcohol. Maybe it was the chance to let her guard down and stay down long enough to connect with someone who was smart enough, intuitive enough to see behind the facade.

  It was so tempting...

  Could she do it?

  Just for tonight?

  What did she have to lose? It wasn’t as if she had anything to lose or gain. James wasn’t going to suddenly fall in love with her just because she showed him the side of herself no one ever saw. He cared about her, but then, so did his mother. It didn’t mean he loved her or wanted to spend his future with her. He was too conservative, too sensible to fall for someone so far outside his social circle.

  Aiesha kept her gaze trained on the pink-and-orange umbrella in her cocktail. ‘Why are you doing this?’

  ‘I don’t want you to hide from me,’ he said. ‘I don’t want you to play games. I hate it when you do that. I’m not going to exploit you. I’m not that sort of man. Surely you know that by now?’

  Aiesha looked at him for a long moment. Everything about him was so incredibly special. His patience. His sensitivity. His kindness. Her heart felt so heavy at the thought of when this time together would be over. How would she ever find someone so in tune with her? How would she ever fill that giant hole of loneliness inside her once he was out of her life?

  She took a little breath and slowly released it, her gaze going back to her drink. ‘I hated everything about my childhood. I hated the poverty. I hated the cruelty. I hated the fact I didn’t fit in. For as long as I can remember, I dreamed of escaping. The only way I could escape was with music.’

  ‘How did you learn to play the piano?’ he asked. ‘Did you have formal lessons?’

  Aiesha kept looking at the tiny wooden spines on the umbrella. ‘There was a piano in the church hall a block away from the estate we lived on. I used to go there and play it for hours. The pastor didn’t seem to mind. After a while he started leaving a few music-theory books lying around. I taught myself to read music. The technique of playing was much harder to learn. I listened to CDs when I could but I’ll never be good enough to play anywhere but a dingy nightclub.’

  ‘But you play like a professional.’

  She screwed up her mouth in a self-deprecating manner. ‘I wouldn’t be brave enough to play in front of a sober audience. Not my own stuff, that is.’

  He leaned forward and took one of her hands in his. ‘But you’re so talented. That music you played the other day. It was so emotional, so haunting. It was like a soundtrack to a really emotional movie. Do you have more like that? Stuff you’ve written yourself?’

  Aiesha looked at her hand in his. The engagement ring looked so real, so perfect for her finger. He was so perfect. Why had she taken this long to realise it? Or had she always realised it? He was perfect but she was wrong for him. Bad for him. She would bring trouble for him if she stayed around too long. Hadn’t she caused enough trouble in the past? She brought her gaze up to his. ‘You’re nothing like him, you know.’

  His brows met over his eyes. ‘Who?’

  ‘Your father.’

  His expression clouded as he released her hand and sat back from her. ‘I’ve spent too many years of my life trying to convince myself of that.’

  ‘It’s true, James.’ She reached for his hand again, curling her fingers around his strong, capable ones. ‘He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. You care. Look at the way you looked after your mother after the divorce. She told me how you made sure she got a proper division of the assets. Your father would have swindled her out of her fair share but you stood up for her. You even paid the lawyer’s bill. And you bought her Lochbannon. You visit her whenever you can. You worry about her hooking up with a guy you’ve never met. If that’s not caring, I don’t know what is.’

  His mouth twisted as he looked down at their joined hands. ‘I used to think my parents were doing OK. Not superhappy...but OK.’ He looked at her again. ‘I guess I didn’t want to see my father for who he was. My mother, bless her for being so gracious, didn’t want to ruin my relationship with him. But it cost her dearly. For year after year she put up with my father’s affairs so I could have what she considered a normal upbringing. She came from a broken home and knew how hard it was for kids with shared custody arrangements.’

  Aiesha stroked the length of his thumb where it was resting against her hand. ‘It must have been a shock to finally find out the truth about him.’

  ‘It was.’ He flattened his mouth as if the memory disturbed him. ‘I felt like my whole childhood was a lie. Everything I believed in was false. Love. Marriage. Commitment. It made me wonder if anyone was ever happy with their lot. That everyone was out there pretending to be OK when they were anything but.’

  ‘I’m sure there are some people who get it right...’ She looked at the way his thumb was now stroking the back of her hand. Her engagement ring—her fake engagement ring—glinted at her mockingly.

  He turned her hand over in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. ‘Want to dance?’

  Aiesha slipped her arms around him as he drew her to her feet. She laid her head against his chest as he led her in a slow waltz on the small dance floor. Being in his arms felt safe. Made her feel anchored. Made her feel loved.

  Loved?

  James didn’t love her. He cared about her. Like he cared about everybody. He was a responsible person who took others’ welfare seriously. She would be a fool to conjure up one of her pointless little dreams. None of her dreams had ever come to life. None of her prayers had ever been answered. None of her planets had ever aligned.

  James put his hand on the nape of her neck as he looked down at her. ‘Where did you go just then?’

  ‘Go?’

  ‘You missed a step.’

  ‘So? I’m a rubbish dancer.’

  He held her gaze with the steadiness of his. ‘No mask, remember?’

  Aiesha chewed one side of her lower lip. ‘This isn’t easy for me...’

  His thumb stroked where her teeth had been. ‘I know it isn’t.’

  She looked at the knot of his tie. ‘It’s hard for me to let people get close. I push everyone away. I can’t seem to help it.’

  He cupped her cheek with his hand. ‘Be yourself with me. Don’t play games. Just be yourself.’

  Aiesha looked into his dark eyes. ‘I have nightmares. Horrible nightmares. About what happened to Archie. That’s why I never share a bed with anyone. It
’s so embarrassing to wake up screaming or...or worse...’ The truth came tumbling out in a rush but, instead of feeling ashamed, she felt relieved to have finally told him.

  His eyes did that softening thing that melted her every time. ‘Thank you,’ he said.

  ‘For what?’

  His expression was full of tenderness, the sort of tenderness she had longed for someone to show her. ‘For trusting me.’

  Aiesha wondered if he knew how hard it was for her. She felt like someone had unzipped her wide open like a body bag. Everything was on show. Her doubts. Her fears. Her terrors. Her shame. But he wasn’t repulsed. He wasn’t pushing her away in disgust. He was looking at her with understanding and concern. Acceptance. She drew in a breath that rattled against the walls of her throat. ‘How’d you get to be so nice with a father like yours?’

  He gave her a twinkling smile. ‘I can be bad when I need to be.’

  She linked her arms around his neck and smiled back. ‘Now that’s something I’d like to see.’

  * * *

  James pulled the covers over Aiesha’s sleeping form a few hours later. She was curled up like a kitten, her cheek pressed against the pillow next to his, her hair in a tumbled mass around her head. He stroked the wayward strands off her smooth brow, watching as her eyelids flickered in rapid-eye-movement sleep. She was so beautiful. So broken and yet so exquisitely beautiful it made his heart contract every time he looked at her.

  Each time he made love with her he learned more about her. The way she expressed herself physically was an indication of the passionate emotion she kept hidden away. Was he fooling himself she felt something for him? How long would it take for her to feel safe enough to reveal her feelings to him? She had told him so much but not the words he most wanted to hear. He wanted to tell her how he felt but wondered if it was too soon. Would it spook her to have him reveal how deeply he cared?

  She moved against him, snuggling up close, her eyes opening sleepily. ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Six a.m. Too early to get up.’

  She rubbed one of her eyes with the ball of her fist, reminding him of a child waking up before it was ready. ‘That’s a big sleep-in for me.’

  He took her balled-up fist and brought it to his mouth and kissed the knuckle of her index finger. ‘I liked having you beside me all night.’

  Her expression faltered for a moment but then she gave him a slitted look from beneath her lashes. ‘At least you didn’t grope me.’

  He rolled her on to her back and straddled her with his thighs. ‘That was remiss of me. Is it too late to do it now?’

  She laughed as he began to nuzzle her neck and he realised it was the first time he had heard her do so naturally. ‘Stop it,’ she said, batting him playfully with her fists. ‘That tickles.’

  He moved down to her breasts, kissing each one in turn. ‘You don’t really want me to stop, do you?’

  She gave a little whimper as he moved down her belly. ‘Not yet.’

  ‘We could spend all day in bed,’ he said. ‘How does that sound?’

  She gasped as he took a gentle nip of the tender flesh of her inner thigh. ‘Don’t you have terribly important work to do?’

  He looked up and gave her a glinting smile. ‘It can wait.’

  * * *

  When Aiesha entered the ballroom on James’s arm later that evening, every eye turned to look at them as they walked to their designated table. All day, news feeds had run with the story of their engagement after the photos of them arriving at the hotel had gone around the world. Everyone was fascinated with the story of their romance. The former street kid and Vegas club singer and the Old Money talented architect falling head over heels in love. One journalist had even gone as far as calling it a modern day re-enactment of My Fair Lady.

  But that was exactly what it was like. She was acting out a role in a play. She was dressed in the costume. She had all the moves down pat. James was perfectly cast as her leading man.

  And tonight’s event was their stage.

  It was a highbrow affair with beautiful people dressed impeccably, the women dripping with jewellery, the men dapper in bespoke tuxedos. As well kitted out as Aiesha was in the black evening gown with its mermaid train, she still felt like a little brown wood duck surrounded by bright flamingos. She couldn’t help feeling that any minute now someone would tap her on the shoulder and tell her to leave. Call her out for a fake. Mock her for pretending to be something she could never be.

  She could see several women looking at her and exchanging comments behind their gloved hands. Were they questioning James’s sanity in choosing her? Were they laughing at her behind their polite smiles? Nerves fluttered in her stomach like moths with razor-blade wings. What if she embarrassed James by doing or saying the wrong thing? What if she compromised his business deal? Hadn’t she done enough damage to his name and reputation?

  James had his arm around her waist as he introduced her to the host. ‘Darling, this is Howard Sherwood. Howard, my fiancée, Aiesha Adams.’

  Howard smiled a smile that made his light blue eyes twinkle as he took her hand. ‘You’re every bit as stunning as James said. Congratulations on your engagement. When’s the big day?’

  Aiesha felt a hot blush steal over her cheeks. Couldn’t he see how much of an imposter she felt? She felt as if it was emblazoned on her forehead: FRAUD. ‘Erm...we’re still trying to sort out dates. We’re both so crazily busy. You know how it is.’

  ‘Well, don’t leave it too long,’ Howard said. ‘Never was one for long engagements, or for living together for years on end. Waste of time. Might as well get on with it, eh, James? Make an honest woman out of her.’

  James smiled an easy smile. ‘That’s the plan.’

  Aiesha waited until Howard had turned to greet some other guests. ‘You’re becoming a rather accomplished liar. It’s got me worried.’

  His look was now unreadable. ‘What would you like to drink?’

  ‘Champagne.’ She took a steadying breath as more and more people swarmed into the ballroom, stopping to take photos with their phones of her and James. ‘Better make it a double.’

  ‘According to the latest news feed, we’re the new “it” couple,’ he said as he handed her a bubbling glass of champagne.

  ‘I can’t imagine why. Quite frankly, I’m surprised everyone’s bought it. Just shows how dumbed down people are these days to believe everything they read in the press.’

  Aiesha drank half a glass of champagne before she realised he was still standing staring at her with a frowning expression. ‘What?’

  He brushed an idle fingertip down her cheek, his dark blue eyes suddenly intense. Earnest. ‘What if it was real?’

  She swallowed. ‘What if what was real?’

  ‘Us.’

  She flickered her eyelids. ‘Us?’

  ‘We don’t have to pretend,’ he said. ‘We could have a real relationship.’

  Aiesha licked a layer of her lip gloss off her lips. Her heart was banging against her breastbone like a window shutter in a high wind. Air was not getting down into her lungs. Her throat was as restricted as a clogged drinking straw. He was joking. He had to be. He had got her to take off her armour and now he was playing her at her own game. Leading her on, flirting with her, making fun of her the way she had with him. She gave a little laugh but it sounded grating. ‘Good one,’ she said. ‘You nearly had me there. Can you imagine what your father would say if you brought me home? He’d disinherit you on the spot. I’m surprised he hasn’t already done it.’

  James frowned at her, about to say something further but stopped himself.

  ‘James, sorry to interrupt.’ Howard Sherwood came over with a flustered look on his normally congenial face. ‘There’s been a problem with tonight’s entertainment. The feature act has suddenly c
ome down with a migraine. I just got the message from her agent.’ He swung his gaze to Aiesha. ‘Would you fill in for her, Aiesha? James told me you’re an entertainer. It’d just be for an hour till the dance band comes on.’

  Aiesha’s stomach pitched. ‘I—I don’t think—’

  ‘Do it, darling,’ James said. ‘You’d be brilliant. Everyone will love you.’

  ‘Please, Aiesha,’ Howard said. ‘You’d be doing my charity and me a massive favour. There are some big international sponsors here and they’ll be disappointed if the programme is cut short. I’m happy to pay you if that’s what’s—’

  ‘No, of course not,’ Aiesha said. ‘It’s not about the money. I would do it for free but—’

  ‘Wonderful.’ Howard beamed and clapped James on the back. ‘You’ve got a good woman there, James. Oh, and about that contract. Consider it done and dusted. I’m also going to recommend you to some colleagues in Argentina. Have you heard of the Valquez brothers Alejandro and Luis? They have a big hotel and resort expansion in the pipeline. It’ll be worth squillions.’

  Aiesha felt James’s hand tighten around hers. Who hadn’t heard of the Valquez brothers? They were two of the richest men in South America. How could she refuse to play now? It would mean so much to James to secure the Valquez contract. It would rebuild the Challender architecture empire back to what it had been in his grandfather’s day and expand it even further. She took a deep breath as she pushed her cowardice and self-doubt behind her. ‘When do you want me to start?’

  * * *

  James sat at the head table and watched as Aiesha played the first bracket. Her fingers were light over the keys, her voice a clear bell-like sound that made the hairs on his arms stand up. The song she was singing was an original of hers, the lyrics poignant and deeply moving. It was a song about lost dreams, lost love and heartbreak. The ballroom erupted into applause and then she deftly changed key and went into another song. This time it was about secret hopes and yearnings that spoke to something deep inside him. Her lyrics were so timely. Hadn’t he been ignoring his own hopes and dreams? He had been fixated on working, rebuilding all that was lost in the scandal blow-out ten years ago, but he had neglected the emotional side of his life. He had shut down. Locked away his feelings. Ignored his feelings. Become an automaton. He had chosen a bride who would not make him feel anything other than mild affection.